Leaving SG for Timor was something with much apprehension, I felt excited, yet at the same time, super nervous. But the days leading up to the trip, I recalled what Sandra told me when she prayed for me - "Courage isn't the absence of fear, but in knowing that Jesus' presence will always be with you". Boy did I only fully understand that statement fully when I was in the village those 5 days. Bade goodbye to the nice toilets and of course the parents who came to send me, Ps Kat put her arms around me and told me to not be afraid, at that moment I think I teared HAHAH so faster walk in so nobody would see that LOL.
The flight had super nice food... that I couldn't stomach. ahaha looking back I was pretty silly. Reached Dili, though the flight seemed to take forever, think the entertainment system on normal airplanes does make a difference. Everyone was scattered around the plane, I was the only one who got allocated to sit with my team mate, and to be honest thank God for that because it did help to ease the anxiousness. The runway was damn short, so the plane felt like it came to an abrupt halt. I remember stepping out into the Timor heat which was blazing. LIKE SCORCHING. Didn't help that the queue at the immigration was super long and we were the last. Was so absorbed in taking in everything - from the people to the surroundings. "oh wow beard papa opened" someone exclaimed. That was comforting. I thought to myself. Two ladies emerged with a life sized doll that to be honest was damn creepy. Just get through this sarah. It's only day 1, adjustment day, it's gonna be fine. Walked out to see Ps David from SG and Anabel receiving us. It was a nice comfort to see people picking us from the airport actually. Their kids all helped us with our baggage, I was beyond touched.
Reaching YWAM base was another eye opener. It was in the middle of a neighbourhood, with trash burning right outside, houses that looked barely developed, and just massive amounts of sand. I remembered thinking if the place was gonna be super run down, but to be honest, the warmth of the YWAM staff would make anywhere a place of comfort. They were so hospitable, making it a point to know our names, cooking for us, and just being so friendly. Managed to do my longest journaling there, probably because I couldn't really sleep, and probably because the room was a lot more comfortable than I imagined. The next day we'd leave for the village and round 2 of adapting again. But little did i know that the days in the village would teach me so much of dying to self and absolute reliance on Jesus.
The ride there was about 3 hours, but the scenery was AMAZING. an't even begin to describe how beautiful Timor waters are, they are just so so gorgeous. The ride was damn uncomfortable though, not sure if it's the Malaria pills or just motion sickness but it was not the most comfy ride I've been on. But cannot complain at all, cos Nich had to sit at the back of Anabel's 4 wheel drive inhaling all the dust omg.
Yup, that's how clear the water is. Certain parts even looked like how I imagine the Great Ocean Road to be.
Like such! This was taken otw back to base though, because there were roadworks, so the vehicles stopped and we could get off for a photo opp. HAHA Also, first prayer answered: the river we had to cross, didn't flood. The river was massive, and if it flooded, there was no way we could ever cross it!
How the river looks - MASSIVE.
Reached the YWAM place in Bahareduk and it was littered with massive amounts of cow and goat shit. The YWAM staff were super efficient, it made us feel a little useless actually. They got rid of the shit in less than half an hour, and all we could do was move aside for them to clear it out. To be on a mission trip and feel so useless... was something we all never really prepared ourselves for. Gonna be damn long listing it day by day, so I shall just summarise all that God's been showing me the whole trip.
The need to feel useful, was in essence a lot of pride. We discussed this over debrief at one night and it was difficult at first, even now actually, to feel redundant at times. It's alot of self worth we place in ourselves. Like for once, you're not needed, or your help might actually slow things down. This forced me to just rest in that moment. Perhaps SG was just all constantly rushing, but because there was so much time to just chill, these pockets of time also allowed me to talk to the locals there, and just filling the need at that time. It felt really strange. No structure, just going with the flow.
Dying to self also came in the most literal form. The village was just nothingness there. It was literally just grass, huts, animals, and... nothing much. No electricity meant we'd either bathe before the sun sets or bathe with the help of torches/candles. Bathing was old school - scooping water from a pail. No time for conditioner and whatnot, it was so cold and difficult to keep rinsing, so nope, not gonna bother HAHA. Eating with your head torch attracted flies, so you'd choose to eat in the dark. There were times when I'd on my light to return my plates and find dead flies on my plate. Not gonna think about what I just ate, so the following dinners were just dining with little or almost no light. After all, ignorance is bliss.
Farming was a huge part of the work we did in Bahareduk. Mornings were for farming, and by the time we reached the 5th day, our arms were sore, and we were burnt. Whenever I felt uncomfortable or shag, I kept repeating in my head, die to yourself sarah, it's not about YOU.
- Complete dependence on Jesus.
Never thought I'd actually feel this alone ever. I mean exchange was 4 months away, but friends and fam were just a whatsapp away. Prayer requests could be sent in an instant, and that made a lot of difference. But being disconnected from the world also meant complete time devoted to Jesus. I remember the second day of the village, our first day of farming, I questioned how I'd be able to survive the remaining days. There were massive bouts of waiting, and just literally staring into space. (Timorese love siestas after lunch). Because the day started so early, the day always felt so long. The second day was definitely the hardest day for me, and because our team didn't really know each other beforehand, the free time wasn't spent talking nonsense/HTHTing etc. Those times I missed my CG mates/ friends & fam back home. Always thought how nice it would be to just HTHT with them under the night sky filled with stars, or the after lunch zoning out sessions. But I guess Jesus didn't plan for that because He wanted me to rely fully and totally on Him. When I felt shitty, all I could turn to was talking and praying to Jesus. The first 2 days of adapting showed me how I had to fully rely on God's strength. I still remember devotion that day was led by Enkainia, and it was on this verse:
"Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many of you were influential, not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of hi, that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God - that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."
It reminded me that when we are truly at our weakest, Jesus comes in and clothes us with strength, to remind us that nothing we do is of our own merit. For me, I never knew how much I depended on humans until I was in Bahareduk. There was no one to rant or to tell random prayer requests to. Look ahead, there was grass, look right and left, more grass, look up, to the vast sky above. Days in Bahareduk pushed me to really call upon Jesus entirely I can't even begin to explain how different my prayers were during the time in the village. Jesus does really hear each prayer and call for help, because each quiet time I was given so many verses of strength. Scribbled some in my journal:
"Be strong all you people of the land, declares the Lord, and work. For I am with you."
"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself, each day has enough trouble of its own" Matthew 6:34 (This verse was really full blown in my face. Not a person who operates well without some plans, vague ones are fine too but in Timor, everything was so spontaneous. Christmas outreach service was planned the night before, the timing for the service was decided on the spot. House visits/children's activities were pretty much impromptu and that was something I had to adapt fast for)
This verse was a clear reminder to stop worrying about the plans for the rest of the days, but to really just live in the moment and do what needs to be done at that point in time.
There were many other verses too, each flip of the Bible would lead me to them, and it was how I knew Jesus was with me. No doubt it was scary at times, no doubt I felt alone at times but Jesus always gave me what I needed right when I needed it. I remember the day I was feeling my worst, we had to teach the little kids about hygiene, I was just thinking oh gosh how to act super happy now? Turned out the kids loved the balloons, and they made it all better that day. During QT before ministry time, I journaled: "Dear Lord, to be honest, I can't wait to go home, but I know you have a purpose here for me and you won't let me give up..." and whoa the kids were really a blessing that day. It was really when I got pushed to the limits of discomfort and alone-ness that I really understood what it meant to lean entirely and only on Jesus. But looking back at the journal entries, i really cringe HAHAHA
- Let the little children come to me
When I first got to Bahareduk, it was an intense culture shock for me. The kids were either naked or wore clothes that were super super dirty. None of them wore shoes, and until the last day when we gave them our clothes donations, did they change into a new outfit. Many of them were sick with mucus flowing out or dried up from their noses, many had those bloated bellies. Not sure what it is but i remember reading that it isn't good when kids have bloated bellies. House visit on the first day allowed me to realise why these were happening. The living conditions were not the best, it was quite bad actually, and it just makes you wonder how they could ever be living in places like these. For the first day, I didn't know or dare to be super super close to the kids. Perhaps the culture shock and adjustment into an entirely new place caused it, but I remember feeling terribly out of place. That night, QT was so so clear to me. Jesus rebuked my thoughts and clearly told me in these verses:
"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. But if anyone causes one of these little ones to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck." Matthew 18:5
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Luke 18:16
I felt so grossed out that I even thought those thoughts. The remaining days I reminded myself to just immerse myself fully with the kids, and wah that was really really what got me through the days in Bahareduk. The kids' presence and joy when we gave them balloons filled my heart till it was full. It wasn't easy at the start for sure, to always remember to love like Jesus does.
If you read one of my posts on Matthew 13, this would probably make sense. I never understood why that chapter was recurring this year, nonetheless I meditated on that chapter each time I flipped to it during QT. Little did I know that the whole chapter would come to life in Timor. Farming was an everyday activity in Bahareduk. It wasn't even like planting or harvesting, but the ploughing of the field. IT WAS CRAZY PHYSICAL. Each morning we'd spend about 5 hours on the field clearing out the weeds and rocks. We ploughed and scraped the field to make numerous mounts for them to plant crops later on in the year.
This is how the field looks like now. After all the farming, we managed about 10 mounts? The huge rocks were terribly difficult to remove. Wish I had a photo of the huge ass rocks, but I only have a video of it and it's too big to be uploaded oh well. Each day was like a reminder of the parable of the sower. How I needed to unweed my life of every single thing that's hindering my walk with Jesus. Ashau, one of the translators who was helping us with the farming told us that the weeds had to be removed because when rain comes and the weeds grow faster, the crops will die. I journaled that "Matthew 13 is a reminder to not let the worries of this world choke my walk with Jesus. Stop doubting the power of Jesus, learn to rest in Him. He gives you what you need just when you need it." I remember asking my cell mates why the weeds had to be fully grown before plucking them out, and I understood it when I was farming. If it wasn't grown out, it would be near impossible to pluck them out. For some reason this resonated with me. I always asked Jesus why my breakthrough had to take such a long time. And it made sense now. When I was more mature, spiritually mature as well, Jesus could begin His work in me, and I could have my breakthrough with this proper understanding of the God I chose to follow. The process of weeding was arduous, painful at times, but when we look back at the completion of the mounts, the pain of weeding and ploughing just dissolves. What a great reminder for my walk with Jesus. One of the verses I had before I left for Timor was also this:
18 Nov 2016: "When a farmer plows for planting, does he plow continually? Does he keep on breaking up and harrowing the soil?" Isaiah 28:24 Timor will grow you, take heart in Psalm 18: He enables me to stand on the heights, he trains my hands for battle.
Looking back, it all makes sense now, farming was something that God had planned for me to do, to completely understand why weeding had to take place, to remind me to not choke my walk with the worries of this world, and to keep moving onto greater and bigger things after each process was completed. Also this verse: Hebrews 12:11 "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
HAHA God is pretty humourous no? The whole farming theme throughout the year, and actually needing to do the farming at Timor LOL. Can't get any more real than this huh.
- Perfect weather during Christmas outreach + recurring verses
It had been nice and sunny until the day before and during the Christmas outreach. As I looked upon the dark clouds, my heart sank. How was the Christmas outreach (outdoors) gonna take place? I just prayed a super simple prayer "God please hold the weather" or something along those lines, it was such a casual prayer that to be honest I never really put much thought into it. But WHOA it rained before the event, and rained after the event! It was as if God stopped the rain JUST FOR THE OUTREACH. OMGAHHH I can't even begin to described how shocked I was. But immensely thankful. SO SO THANKFUL.
Also prayed to Jesus for a rainbow, because MuiSyn saw it the day before and I really wanted to see one?! and omg Jesus really heard me again and then she exclaimed "rainbow there!" Wahh was super happy.
Ok it's damn faint, so Idk if the computer can even see it HAHA but anyway point is I saw a rainbow! Also, the rain reminded me (since it was the last day of farming) that the rain is good for the soil too. And guess what, that day's QT was just on that again.
"As the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth. It will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire." Isaiah 55:11
And strangely, I was following the devotional from Our Daily Bread and it spoke of how Elijah prayed so hard for rain even though God had already promised it, he went to the mountains to ask God for rain. It was just so apt cos I felt like this whole year was just a season of waiting for me. Waiting and waiting as you can probably tell from the previous posts HAHA. and guess what, as I was flipping through my journal, I realised that this verse was already written down on 9 Nov. To have this verse play out before my eyes, with the rain AND the rainbow, it was just... damn amazing. Was such a startling reminder for me in my season in life. That God's promises over my life, though it's been a few years and a long wait, will eventually come to pass!
The following day was my turn to share devotion, last day of Bahareduk, journey back to Dili. I was deliberating whether to share my testimony or my devotional. I prayed earnestly for Jesus to reveal His will to me for the sharing. Earnestly because... it would be a sharing in front of the New Community Church youths. SCARED LAAA later talk nonsense super laokui. But I knew Jesus would speak what He wanted to tell them through them, somehow. I went to sleep, even though I had the nudge to read my bible. I was selfish with my sleeping time because was really quite shag. As usual, disobedience doesn't have any good outcome - I woke countless times throughout that night. Was so frustrated I couldn't sleep so I opened my Bible to read. I told Jesus that if I got the same Isaiah 55 verse again, I would share my devotion instead. AND LO AND BEHOLD... ISAIAH 55 CAME UP. So I knew Jesus wanted me to share my devotional with the youths. I went to sleep feeling peace, but also trying to piece out my thoughts and how I would share it.
The next day, as we met with the youths, I was asked to share super abruptly omg I WAS STUNNED. Fumbled so much that I couldn't find my phone which had the ODB devotional. Thankfully Nich was beside me and he helped me to dig it out haha but yes somehow the sharing became on patience and how we need to never cease in prayer even though it does not seem like anything is happening. After that, during the dinner Ps Acy came to tell me how many youths are actually struggling with their faith and feeling quite discouraged. Then she said my sharing was super apt for them and she thanked me so much. Really really all by God's grace. Was immensely touched by the NCC youths, their simple faith, their sharing... omg I never felt so welcomed in my life especially with some sort of language barriers. And when we split into groups for testimony sharing, I was SO MOVED. Even managed to share my testimony, because some of them shared about how their families practised black magic and how difficult it would be to share the gospel. It just felt so right for me to share my testimony then. And to be honest hearing their testimonies and how they've been praying so hard for the salvation of their families really made me ashamed of how little I was praying for my own family/friends. Went home with a heart so full and warm from their hospitality. When Ps Acy gave me a parting hug, I teared. Idk why but it was just so overwhelming. Like there were so many youths who needed discipleship, so many youths struggling over there, but there's nothing much I could do except to keep them in prayer. It was so overwhelming.
Looking like saiii but yeah the youths!
We managed to meet Ps David from SG because the NCC youths timing wasn't confirmed and we got a little mixed up. Ps David was so kind enough to host us at his house, with ICE COLD WATERRRR. it was the best best thing ever. He shared his journey and how God led him all the way to Timor. It was like a 2 hour sharing? and the best part was... I sat next to him during our last dinner before coming home. Whatever he said felt like God was using him to speak to me. On closed doors. On how sometimes we kept fixing our eyes on the closed doors, not realising that we might be missing the open doors God has already opened for us. It was so apt for my season now. For a long time I've been yearning for and pining for the closed door, not realising that it was closed long ago. His sharing just sealed it for me. What's the open door, I don't know now, but okay Jesus will probably reveal it to me soon I guess. He also talked about how we can only be closed to God because of the shadow of the cross. God is light and therefore too holy and blinding for us to look straight at him. But whatever that's been done on the cross allows us to go straight to God. How then can we help people that's outside of our "shadow" (our God ordained path)? Only by drawing close to God, that's when the shadow of the cross enlarges and the people we need to help will be within reach, without us stepping out of the shadow of the cross. Not sure if I make sense but he said it so well so idk if i can replicate that. In essence it was to draw near to God, at the same time not move away from our God ordained destiny (fulfil His will/calling for our lives). Beyond touched to hear his sharing. It was amazing and such an honour.
Days in the village I made friends with Menna who's here for a month from Papua. And wah Jesus really used her to make me feel so comfortable. I remember when I was feeling super sian, she would be there for some reason(thank you Jesus), and we would have deep conversations despite her little english. We traded verses, what she told me really spoke to me, and the verse I shared sealed whatever God had been telling her that afternoon. Jesus really works in mysterious ways. She was truly a blessing.
"See you again! Not sure where but we will meet again!"
There were no rats! omg I slept the first night feeling so prepared for the rats to drop on me HAHAHA by the time the last night in the village came, my mosquito net was falling off and I couldn't be bothered to fix it, getting used to village life just when I was gonna leave LOL
The river didn't flood, even though it was raining that morning we left. LIKE WOW thank you Jesus!
Remainder photos! What a ride Timor has been. Jesus has been faithful, and it feels like it's just the start.
YWAM kids #1
YWAM Kid #2
Eating coconuts from a villager's house, with chickens and dogs running around your legs omg what an exeprience
Morning quiet time view
Roadside with the amazing ocean
Bahareduk kids. The girl in white really stole my heart. Most kids there don't smile, or are apprehensive, not sure if it's cos of the culture or the domestic violence but she always always smiled at me! For 2 nights I woke in the middle of the night with flashbacks of the kids' faces and somehow it made my heart super heavy. Gonna print them photos to remind myself to pray for them always.
The boy's toy was a saw?! We gave him a frisbee!
Last but not least, the team. Immensely grateful for Leong especially. Right from me entering CG, all the way to how similar our experiences are... Jesus really placed her in my life and I am so thankful for that :)
