It's been a long while since the last post, so much has happened since the start of 2018, and well, these 2 months just flew by. I won't say it was the best start to the year (it got better tho), but it definitely deepened my relationship with God, and just getting to know who He is.
It's been about 1.5 months since starting this thing called job search. And I never expected it to be this long. As much as I do regret not starting during school, but I also am thankful for this extended period of rest, to just be there for my fam and spending a whole lot more time with God. So many things this season of life has taught me: Waiting on God's timing, fully trusting His will for my life just because He loves me enough to know what's best. When the job search just barely started I remember a verse God clearly gave me during my quiet time -
"I am the Lord who teaches you to profit, who leads you in the way you should go." Isaiah 48:12
Though the job search has since felt like it's been prolonged, and sometimes it gets super frustrating to keep spamming applications and going for interviews yet not feeling the peace about most or the companies not getting back; but I'm reminded that God is a God who provides. I recall the time where additional skate lessons came about through a divine opportunity, right when Daddy kinda retired. It was kinda scary to be depleting your savings yet not knowing when this phase would end. But when God provided the extra skate classes, it was definitely a huge reminder that God always shows up right on time, never early, never late.
Just felt that I needed to journal this week down because God was really so present. The past week had left me thinking a lot, about the future, especially with some transitioning within my fam. Job search hadn't been the best and I remember asking God how long more did I have to keep waiting. Then came Momentum service which to be honest was really a blessing. It was on the series of casting my cares on Jesus and to not carry them myself. The youths were then asked to write their worries on a piece of paper and put it in a box as an act of surrender. It was super paiseh cos the leaders didn't have to do it la LOL but I told God what was on my heart and then I had this vision. Of me carrying a heavy backpack but the verse cast your cares on Him came to mind and the image became this huge figure lifting the bag off my shoulders and suddenly, the bag became so tiny and light on his shoulders. Felt like God was telling me then, why are you carrying your burdens? I could take it for you, it's nothing to me. (ok la tbh i was praying for 2 things HA HA) So that night I went to journal and fully surrendered everything that was kinda on my mind. Really felt this immense peace and joy knowing that God was in full control.
"Come to me all you who weary and are heavy burdened, and I will give you rest."
Yup this season in life is a lot on uncertainty, which God has been working on it the last 1-2 years especially with mission trips. But uncertainty also means leaning on God even more because that's when faith comes in. God's promises of his "eternal covenant of peace" has also been recurring the past week, so I should keep these close to my heart. No doubt this human mind is prone to wander sometimes, especially when things aren't tangible; but this start to the year has been nothing but a reminder of God's sovereignty and His perfect timing for my life. Apart from that, I'm blessed with godly counsel and friendships that have been nothing but an encouragement. And so I should be more aware of everything that God has provided instead of looking at what I do not have yet.
Thursday 1 March 2018
Friday 29 December 2017
Timor 2017
Back from Timor, and it's crazy how time flies - it's been 2 weeks since I came back.
God has been so so good this trip and looking back at my journal entries, I finally understand why God wanted me to go.
Before I left, I remember journaling my prayer requests and it went something like:
1) not to fall sick
2) not to be anxious
3) to feel God's heart for the nation so much so that it surpassed my fears, and to leave feeling God's burden for the nation.
Everything was answered.
In my previous post, I mentioned about feeling peace and it really felt like that the entire trip! I was super nervous about co-leading because it meant that I had to be ready enough to take care of the youths. But when God says go, He also equips. It was truly not by my own strength.
Before I go on, here is some brief information about the Timor as a country. It is between Indonesia and Australia, as such, before the war ended, Australian troops can be seen in the country. In fact, the school we stayed in was actually left behind by the Australians. This village is indeed blessed!
We were all the way to the far right, Lautem. It was about an 8-10 hours bus ride from Dili the capital, because the roads are bad. If they managed to build proper roads, the journey would probably be about 3 hours.
Some key highlights from the trip were:
There were also many things my team struggled with, such as bathing in the pond. However, it turned out even better than expected. Of course there were squirming, I mean, bathing with tadpoles and fishes and God knows what else; BUT it was a time of bonding as well.
and God probably had a sense of humour -- we had to clean the pond the next day. HA HA HA. BUT. Because of the pond clean up, we bonded so well with the NCC team! Played so much in the pond, with Ps Matt farting and peeing blah blah and Jon digging up earthworms and fishes, Oscar picking prawns to cook, the girls squealing at things they thought was shit, throwing grass at each other etc. Then, the villagers came in to help us. It was really so divine because the barrier seemed to have been broken and we all felt like A TEAM. Then... we had to bathe in there after HAHA. When you see all the stuff in the pond... sometimes it's better to just close your eyes and bathe.
This was the pond. Looks damn nice right HAHA. But yes that is where everyone bathes together. With fishes and tadpoles swimming around you :')
This was us in the pond with lots of grass and rubbish that we had to clear. It was epic because everyone ended up playing and having a good time. We spent almost 3 hours cleaning the pond.
God was always with us throughout and I know this because I journaled "I will send my messenger ahead of you who will prepare your way before you." Matthew 11
I remember someone texted me this too. And this verse just kept recurring to remind me that God has already gone ahead before us.
On the night of the spiritual warfare, amidst all the fears, this verse, "it is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deut 31:8 came as I was doing my quiet time.
Another verse was on the first day of the trip where I wrote: "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul." Matthew 10:28
Really reminded me of how God is so ever present and real. The next few photos will show how life was throughout the trip. :)
This was our typical food in the village. In fact this was considered a lot. Normally, our meals would just be veg like brinjal or kangkong with plain rice and bananas which I grew to eat. The bananas are really different, they tasted like potatoes and a knife was needed to peel the skin off.
On the last night, we had a pig to eat! It fed the whole village. That really amazed me actually - how there was enough food to feed everyone. That's me burning off the hair of the pig using dried and dead leaves.
Us helping with washing the dishes. haha
A photo with the cows! (Which ran away sobbles)
Children in the village. There were tons of them!
Team photos: Before we left for Timor, before we left for Lautem, when we came back and had no car, the NCC person picked us in a microlet! Cool experience, apart from bumping our heads. Lastly, the team back in SG. :)
A really nice family portrait of someone who cooked and treated us like royalty. All these in the midst of their suffering like sicknesses and deaths in the family. Incredible service and really a role model for us all.
Went to a really nice place called Com to take photos. The view is AMAZING. We saw fishes like Dory in Finding Nemo and even a reef shark! Amidst all the corals. Timor has amazing scenery, really. I really loved how Lautem was so near the ocean.
And yup, meet my fellow leader. LOL. Who does stuff like... take photos of us all sleeping so unglamly.
Like such.
Reaching Ihara village in just a few mins. Think this was taken at the police station.
"You wanna stand here? Be careful ya." 17 year old and so mature already. And that's how the NCC team was - always serving and thinking of others before themselves. It's incredibly humbling.
How we commuted. Standing out at the door of the bus was super fun! Me and Jon (other leader) also took turns to sit at the door. It was really thought provoking actually. Made me think a lot about the Timorese, and Timor as a country. There's an unexplainable sadness, seeing how little they have, and how they might never come to know Jesus or have the things we all have.
Also managed to meet Mary and her family, whom I met and went to Bahareduk last year with. Thank you for always remembering me.
Funny highlights:
Timor has taught me so much. God really answered all of my prayers, and I found it incredible how none of us fell sick! Even though we drank the pond water for the drinks and food that the villagers prepared, we did not get any stomach upset, thank God for that!
I prayed to have God's heart for the nation that would outweigh any fears. I never thought I could ever feel so much for the Timorese, but when we were leaving for SG, Ps Matt took us to see a map of Timor. We stood in front of it praying for the nation, remembering everything we saw. I remember praying and just weeping like mad. It was so embarrassing, I ran into the toilet right after prayer ended. I thought about the scenes that I saw sitting at the door of the bus, the children's faces, the villagers that we prayed for who were in pain... It was just so heart wrenching to know that there's only so much we could do.
My final takeaways from now till the next trip (maybe, hopefully),
To never forget this trip. To never forget the people I saw, the people who are hurting and need a glimmer of hope. Let me always feel God's heart for the nation and for the lost. To know what it really means to sing "break my heart for what breaks yours". As 2017 comes to a close... Thank you Jesus that it was a year of closures for me. Amidst the disappointments, I'm thankful that 2017 ended with this trip to remind me of the bigger and more important things in life.
Lastly, as I transition into the working world, I hope to never be caught up in the rat race. As I prayed about my job and what the next season is going to bring, Isaiah 28 came up and it was about continued growth. To never be stagnant. "Grain must be ground to make bread; so one does not go on threshing it forever."
It feels scary because it feels like this also means stepping out of my comfort zone.
One key thing I've learnt is really obedience and to not be drowned out by the noise of this world so much so that I cannot hear God and doubt His realness. I never wanted to go back to Timor after last year, not within a year that is. But looking back, all those fears of mine were so so small with such a great God equipping me. This was probably one of the best trips I've been on.
Let me never forget.
God has been so so good this trip and looking back at my journal entries, I finally understand why God wanted me to go.
Before I left, I remember journaling my prayer requests and it went something like:
1) not to fall sick
2) not to be anxious
3) to feel God's heart for the nation so much so that it surpassed my fears, and to leave feeling God's burden for the nation.
Everything was answered.
In my previous post, I mentioned about feeling peace and it really felt like that the entire trip! I was super nervous about co-leading because it meant that I had to be ready enough to take care of the youths. But when God says go, He also equips. It was truly not by my own strength.
Before I go on, here is some brief information about the Timor as a country. It is between Indonesia and Australia, as such, before the war ended, Australian troops can be seen in the country. In fact, the school we stayed in was actually left behind by the Australians. This village is indeed blessed!
Some key highlights from the trip were:
- Ps Matt had a leaders skype call about 2 days before we left, and he mentioned that God placed a burden in his heart to buy 2 shovels and bring it to the village. And so we did. Who would have known, they were beginning on some planting work in that village! A pity we couldn't be a part of that though, maybe the next round.
- The events on the first day of the village that showed us how real spiritual warfare is, but also how great a God we serve
- We left our passports back in the city as we thought it would be safer. Turned out, the police in that village said that there were cases of sexual violence in the town and he insisted we had to have our passports or he would need to send us back to the city. God provided through a pastor we met at our accoms back in the city. This pastor was going down to the village near us and could help us take our passports. Definitely a divine appointment!
- The NCC team did not buy water. We thus did not have enough water to last through the village. God provided through a villager who was the mum of one of the Timor team members. She left to catch the midnight bus to the market and carried back 6 cartons of water, along with our veggies for our stay. Really thank God for her heart of service. Made me question what did we even do right to deserve this blessing.
- Someone from the Timor team experienced spiritual warfare through the form of spiritual gagging. This particularly was the highlight for me because for those who know my past, I grew up being damn scared of the supernatural. I've seen it so many times when I was a kid, that I always had this fear until someone walked through this journey with me when I was much older. This time, I felt like God pushed me a step further -- to not be afraid. The girls who saw it for the first/second time ran out crying and I saw my childhood self in them. God gave me the right words to say, and I managed to even share my past. It was a pity we missed the explanation from our Timorese friend, but God delivered victory and it was a spiritual highlight for me.
There were also many things my team struggled with, such as bathing in the pond. However, it turned out even better than expected. Of course there were squirming, I mean, bathing with tadpoles and fishes and God knows what else; BUT it was a time of bonding as well.
and God probably had a sense of humour -- we had to clean the pond the next day. HA HA HA. BUT. Because of the pond clean up, we bonded so well with the NCC team! Played so much in the pond, with Ps Matt farting and peeing blah blah and Jon digging up earthworms and fishes, Oscar picking prawns to cook, the girls squealing at things they thought was shit, throwing grass at each other etc. Then, the villagers came in to help us. It was really so divine because the barrier seemed to have been broken and we all felt like A TEAM. Then... we had to bathe in there after HAHA. When you see all the stuff in the pond... sometimes it's better to just close your eyes and bathe.
This was the pond. Looks damn nice right HAHA. But yes that is where everyone bathes together. With fishes and tadpoles swimming around you :')
This was us in the pond with lots of grass and rubbish that we had to clear. It was epic because everyone ended up playing and having a good time. We spent almost 3 hours cleaning the pond.
God was always with us throughout and I know this because I journaled "I will send my messenger ahead of you who will prepare your way before you." Matthew 11
I remember someone texted me this too. And this verse just kept recurring to remind me that God has already gone ahead before us.
On the night of the spiritual warfare, amidst all the fears, this verse, "it is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deut 31:8 came as I was doing my quiet time.
Another verse was on the first day of the trip where I wrote: "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul." Matthew 10:28
Really reminded me of how God is so ever present and real. The next few photos will show how life was throughout the trip. :)
This is the kitchen, all cooked using charcoal. It's super cool how they manage to start a fire so fast.
Children in the village. There were tons of them!
Team photos: Before we left for Timor, before we left for Lautem, when we came back and had no car, the NCC person picked us in a microlet! Cool experience, apart from bumping our heads. Lastly, the team back in SG. :)
Funny highlights:
- Choking the toilet hole *coughs* Joanne and having the Timorese help us to unchoke it HAHAHA
- Ps Matt's tadpole in his ear which he only realised like 2 days later eeks
- Calling everyone Bibi (goat), fahi (pig), karau (cow)
- Peeing on top of a mountain/hill overlooking the ocean (photo for reference below)
Timor has taught me so much. God really answered all of my prayers, and I found it incredible how none of us fell sick! Even though we drank the pond water for the drinks and food that the villagers prepared, we did not get any stomach upset, thank God for that!
I prayed to have God's heart for the nation that would outweigh any fears. I never thought I could ever feel so much for the Timorese, but when we were leaving for SG, Ps Matt took us to see a map of Timor. We stood in front of it praying for the nation, remembering everything we saw. I remember praying and just weeping like mad. It was so embarrassing, I ran into the toilet right after prayer ended. I thought about the scenes that I saw sitting at the door of the bus, the children's faces, the villagers that we prayed for who were in pain... It was just so heart wrenching to know that there's only so much we could do.
My final takeaways from now till the next trip (maybe, hopefully),
To never forget this trip. To never forget the people I saw, the people who are hurting and need a glimmer of hope. Let me always feel God's heart for the nation and for the lost. To know what it really means to sing "break my heart for what breaks yours". As 2017 comes to a close... Thank you Jesus that it was a year of closures for me. Amidst the disappointments, I'm thankful that 2017 ended with this trip to remind me of the bigger and more important things in life.
Lastly, as I transition into the working world, I hope to never be caught up in the rat race. As I prayed about my job and what the next season is going to bring, Isaiah 28 came up and it was about continued growth. To never be stagnant. "Grain must be ground to make bread; so one does not go on threshing it forever."
It feels scary because it feels like this also means stepping out of my comfort zone.
One key thing I've learnt is really obedience and to not be drowned out by the noise of this world so much so that I cannot hear God and doubt His realness. I never wanted to go back to Timor after last year, not within a year that is. But looking back, all those fears of mine were so so small with such a great God equipping me. This was probably one of the best trips I've been on.
Let me never forget.
Sunday 26 November 2017
God Provides || Road to Timor
It's been a while since I last updated. School was crazy busy, but I've finally graduated. Long story short, I'll be heading to Timor in about a week's time. God works in amazing ways, and His plans none can thwart indeed.
Along the course of between the previous post and this, two of the leaders that were supposed to come along won't be anymore. The second one particularly, I really felt it because she felt like a mom to us, and having her around made everything feel so safe. Perhaps that was why God chose to not let her go in the end - for me to rely on Him and not on human strength/humans. I remembered praying for the inexplainable peace when all these unexpected things took place. The news of such stuff really shot me into a mild panic mode, feeling alone in all this. But God really gave me this unexplainable peace that i can't even begin to describe. Even through the thick of my submissions and a 1001 things to do, I felt the peace. This was something I already knew was not by my own strength, but really God who granted me the peace that transcends all understanding. The timing of the last leader pulling out was so so timely. Had it been earlier, I might have not chose to go as well. After all, with only a one day break between Timor and my grad trip, it is really a bit risky.
This whole Timor trip is really a faith journey, right from the start of agreeing to go. Having such a short runway this time (we only met about 1.5 weeks back), I was so anxious with getting the funds. It was a crazy short time to raise all these funds in 2 weeks. Timor is all by chartered flights, and expenses are high as it's all in USD + hyperinflation. This whole fund raising thing really humbled me. I trusted God with so little faith. Initially, it was so so difficult to raise the funds, but towards the end of the 2 weeks, He just supplied. It was insane. We not only raised enough, but extra for us to have more leeway with our meals (it was $5 per day, lunch and dinner LOL) and even have emergency funds.
This brings me to the next point of what God really wanted me to learn:
Trusting Him to supply right at the time when we need it. Not too early, not too late, but RIGHT ON TIME. This whole year, it's been so much about not worrying a step ahead but taking things as they come. Also not worrying about uncertainty, but just trusting that God has already got that sorted out for me. Mission trips always train me, because they're all about uncertainty. There's no way you can plan a mission trip to a T because everything is mostly based on divine appointments and spontaneity.
The second learning point is also relying on His strength and not mine. This is the first time I'll be co-leading a trip. I never expected/wanted to co-lead or even lead anything to do with missions. It just scares me so much, how am I to even lead right? Feelings of inadequacy really threaten to creep in and sometimes it gets a bit much to handle. But it reminded me of this verse I got wayy before all these planning took place:
Jeremiah 1
"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; i appointed you a prophet to the nations. Then I said 'Ah Lord! Behold, I do not know how to speak for I am only a youth.' But the Lord said to me, 'Do not say I am only a youth, for to all to whom I send you, you shall go; and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them for I am with you to deliver you, declares the Lord."
Wahh this verse really spoke to me. I remember feeling a little nervous one day and I did my QT. Another verse came:
Ezekiel 34:25
The Lord's covenant of peace:
"I will make with them a covenant of peace and banish wild beasts from the land, so that they may dwell securely in the wilderness and sleep in the woods. And I will make them and the places all around my hill a blessing, and I will send down the showers in their season; they shall be showers of blessing."
This really spoke to me about living in the village.
So yes, trusting that God will provide each step of the way. May this trip be super memorable, where I'll be able to meet God and realign how I hear from Him.
This year it feels like my faith has been shaken - especially after all the guy nonsense and stuff. I guess it's really time to come back and hear properly from Him. Not sure how, but I guess God could work in my heart first. heh.
Jesus speaks - A shelter from the rain, 26 Sept 2017
Something pretty epic happened today:
So I decided to cycle to ECP to do some QT, since it was recess week. Was anticipating the nice sea breeze BUT it rained. 
😑 like POURED. Went into the nearest shelter I could find but the rain got heavier and the winds got stronger, so much so that I still got drenched and the pages of my bible were wet too. Felt frustrated and asked God why did he not hold the rain for me, I ran into the nearby toilet because i was freezing and it seemed like better shelter. Tried to look on the bright side and told myself that I might see a rainbow after the rain HAHA LOL.
😑 like POURED. Went into the nearest shelter I could find but the rain got heavier and the winds got stronger, so much so that I still got drenched and the pages of my bible were wet too. Felt frustrated and asked God why did he not hold the rain for me, I ran into the nearby toilet because i was freezing and it seemed like better shelter. Tried to look on the bright side and told myself that I might see a rainbow after the rain HAHA LOL.
THEN. I met this couple at the toilet who works for a glamping company. They said they saw me stranded and offered to open up a tent for me to rest in. They not only sheltered me all the way to the tent, but even helped to bring my bike over to another tent so it wouldn't be wet!
Spent the time of solitude in a tent all to myself, they even asked me to use the bed to rest hahaha as I opened my bible, I read a verse that someone prayed over me before going to Timor last year:
“There will be a booth for shade by day from the heat, and for a refuge and a shelter from the storm and rain.”
Isaiah 4:6 ESV
Isaiah 4:6 ESV
As I did QT with the sound of the rain beating against the tent, I felt so underserving of this kindness extended to me by strangers. Really a reminder of God's steadfast love and protection. There was no rainbow after, but God decided to speak to me in a way I didn't expect Him to. And though it was cold, my heart felt so warm and full. It's been a while since something like this happened. Thank you Jesus.
Big thanks to the couple from glamping society too, really so selfless and kind.
Sunday 24 September 2017
Steadfast love/Timor 2017?
It's been a week of trying desperately to hear from God. Ever since the insta fast and stuff I think I've been expecting huge boomz answers from God in the way I want Him to answer me. Nonetheless instafast has been great because it helps to not be so bothered by the idealistic lives that insta portrays. Or the stalking of people that I shouldn't be bothered about anymore. Haha.
I remember telling Lin how I feel like it's been a one way conversation with God. And all I've picked up through the extended time with Jesus is this: steadfast love.
I'd see verses after verses about steadfast love everywhere for the past week. Even IDT talked about steadfast love. This week's memory verse was on steadfast love as well. But I still don't know what God is trying to tell me through that. I mean yeah I know God loves me so very much. Or maybe it's just a different angle of His love that He's trying to show me. Which also probably is to deal with my inner fears.
// LOL think I typed that one week ago and fast forward one week... look who is going to Timor again LOOOOOL so Leong did ask me a few weeks back if i wanted to go Timor again, this time with the youths. And while it has been on my mind, cos Mary has been contacting me every now and then. But to co lead... I think I was a bit scared? still am actually. But I can't even begin to describe how good God has been to me this past week. Not the good as in good stuff happening but the good as in feeling rested and knowing that His love will hold it all together. I don't really like uncertainty, so it makes me uncomfortable and mission trips are really all about uncertainty. Plus... the lack of connectedness to the world, the dying to self, the feeling of really being alone. But anyway, back to the main point, so I told Jesus that if He wanted me to go, then someone would talk to me about it again. And so, Chan texted me last week. BUT GUESS WHAT I SAID.
"I'll pray about it."
HAHAHHA TROL SARAH. SO I spent the next two days praying about it and asking God for clear signs, which tbh I was expecting something cooler and in my face like a dream saying GO TO TIMOR SARAH. and ofc things don't always happen the way we want (hur hur Elijah), but God revealed himself in a different way that I thought I should journal, in case I regret my decision HAHA
Verse 1: "The spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound." Isaiah 61:1
I got the above like twice, cos the first time I was in denial LOL. This was the verse that I got last year for Timor trip too I think.
Verse 2: "Ah Lord God, Behold I I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth." But the Lord said to me,
"Do not say I am only a youth, for to all whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you," declares the Lord.
THIS VERSE. Really hit me. I was like telling Jesus who am I to even lead right. I'm not even equipped, missions always feels like something a huge step out of my comfort zone. Like HUGE. I mean, kids/youths/SST/events etc etc is fine by me, but missions... I SCARED LA. and to ask me to co lead a trip, I would never have thought of ever doing this, ever. But I thank God for the spiritual community who's been really encouraging, and all the confirmations like this verse.
Verse 3: Right after verse 1, I read this, "why are you afraid, O you of little faith?"
AHAHH YAZ DAZ ME O LITTLE FAITH U HAVE SARAH. you know that kinda moment when you think your faith is strong and you're so on fire for God, then He asks you to do something out of your comfort zone and you're like NOOOOOO. Then you realise how shallow your faith was. YUP.
Need to trust God more.
So I didn't dare to tell Chan my decision, cos say already cannot take back right. Was texting Lin also cos I was gonna surprise her at her office, but got the wrong office (Google didn't update) and on the way there, guess what I read:
FACING YOUR GIANTS:
I don’t know about you, but David’s faith encourages me. We all face different kinds of giants in our lives. The question isn’t whether they’ll show up; it’s whether we’ll have the courage to load stones into our slings when the time comes. The question is: Will we trust the Lord?
When I imagine David on the battlefield, I usually picture him afraid. How could he not be?Sometimes the only way to face a giant is to do it afraid. Bobby’s fight wasn’t a fair one by human standards, but that’s the point, isn’t it? When we have the Lord on our side, the fight becomes supernatural. If God is for us, we’re assured the victory — whether here or in heaven. With this in mind, we go before God with the confidence of David.
So I texted Chan after and felt a peace in my heart, like I've finally done what has been on my heart the past weeks. The fear was still there actually. Couldn't really sleep on thur night, and I remember telling Jesus that I heard he miraculously helped this guy to overcome his addictions by removing that feeling. So I asked Him to take that fear away, that feeling that makes me feel so small and incapable. Guess what, I woke up at 5+ for my 8am class, got greeted by an amazing sunrise and by the end of friday, I felt excited. The next day it dawned on me that Jesus really did answer my prayer.
Look at the pinkish skies and the clouds that spread out towards the buildings!
On a more practical note, TODAY I GOT MY FIRST GRAB HITCH PASSENGER!! Decided to give all the hitch money I earned for Timor fund - REALLY REALLY NEED TO FUND RAISE. And I know God will provide the passengers HAHA like how this dude was just next door to CEFC WDL and going to my area. Didn't even need any detours, and wew $15 for the fund HEHE TYJ.
-----
Back to where I left off, I got reminded of what God has been speaking to me about steadfast love. It even appeared before worship today. I don't recall having verses before worship, but this one hit me too.
"I will sing of the steadfast love of the Load, forever, with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations."
Psalms 89:1
I googled what steadfast meant cos I was just curious to see what God was trying to say. It said, dutifully firm and unwavering. Isn't that a promise to hold onto? A promise that God's love is unwavering and firm, in all seasons. ALL. He sees what we're going through, and He doesn't promise that it'll end immediately, but He promises His STEADFAST LOVE. BOOM. What is fear when I have Jesus' steadfast love right?!
And that reminded me of this verse that I got during QT last week too:
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."
1 John 4:18
It felt like all the puzzle pieces joined together. Writing it out reminds me that God has been speaking - not in the way I wanted Him to, but it definitely was not a one way conversation that I thought it was.
More verses that I got on steadfast love the past week. Putting it here so I can remember God's presence when I feel He is distant.
"By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for, and by the fear of the Lord one turns away from evil." Proverbs 16:6
"He will have no fear of bad news, his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes."
Psalm 112:7-8
And on the flipside, I think God has been also trying to say that yes He will grant me steadfast love, but on my end, I need to be steadfast too -
"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him."
James 1:12
So yes. Steadfast.
The past week has been one with so many amazing sunsets and sunrises. This little kid in me has been yearning for a rainbow since God knows when. But yeah God doesn't always show up the way we want Him to right?
Run last night at ECP haha. Look at the ball of sun!! Super amazing.
// Also, finally, I think I've found a CG that I can settle in, in the east. haha FOUND SOMEONE STRUGGLING WITH TRANSITIONING TOO (and a fellow Sarah at that).
Still have a few unanswered questions like IDMCi/job, momentum LOL but I guess we'll see how God will answer those heh ;)
I remember telling Lin how I feel like it's been a one way conversation with God. And all I've picked up through the extended time with Jesus is this: steadfast love.
I'd see verses after verses about steadfast love everywhere for the past week. Even IDT talked about steadfast love. This week's memory verse was on steadfast love as well. But I still don't know what God is trying to tell me through that. I mean yeah I know God loves me so very much. Or maybe it's just a different angle of His love that He's trying to show me. Which also probably is to deal with my inner fears.
// LOL think I typed that one week ago and fast forward one week... look who is going to Timor again LOOOOOL so Leong did ask me a few weeks back if i wanted to go Timor again, this time with the youths. And while it has been on my mind, cos Mary has been contacting me every now and then. But to co lead... I think I was a bit scared? still am actually. But I can't even begin to describe how good God has been to me this past week. Not the good as in good stuff happening but the good as in feeling rested and knowing that His love will hold it all together. I don't really like uncertainty, so it makes me uncomfortable and mission trips are really all about uncertainty. Plus... the lack of connectedness to the world, the dying to self, the feeling of really being alone. But anyway, back to the main point, so I told Jesus that if He wanted me to go, then someone would talk to me about it again. And so, Chan texted me last week. BUT GUESS WHAT I SAID.
"I'll pray about it."
HAHAHHA TROL SARAH. SO I spent the next two days praying about it and asking God for clear signs, which tbh I was expecting something cooler and in my face like a dream saying GO TO TIMOR SARAH. and ofc things don't always happen the way we want (hur hur Elijah), but God revealed himself in a different way that I thought I should journal, in case I regret my decision HAHA
Verse 1: "The spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound." Isaiah 61:1
I got the above like twice, cos the first time I was in denial LOL. This was the verse that I got last year for Timor trip too I think.
Verse 2: "Ah Lord God, Behold I I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth." But the Lord said to me,
"Do not say I am only a youth, for to all whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you," declares the Lord.
THIS VERSE. Really hit me. I was like telling Jesus who am I to even lead right. I'm not even equipped, missions always feels like something a huge step out of my comfort zone. Like HUGE. I mean, kids/youths/SST/events etc etc is fine by me, but missions... I SCARED LA. and to ask me to co lead a trip, I would never have thought of ever doing this, ever. But I thank God for the spiritual community who's been really encouraging, and all the confirmations like this verse.
Verse 3: Right after verse 1, I read this, "why are you afraid, O you of little faith?"
AHAHH YAZ DAZ ME O LITTLE FAITH U HAVE SARAH. you know that kinda moment when you think your faith is strong and you're so on fire for God, then He asks you to do something out of your comfort zone and you're like NOOOOOO. Then you realise how shallow your faith was. YUP.
Need to trust God more.
So I didn't dare to tell Chan my decision, cos say already cannot take back right. Was texting Lin also cos I was gonna surprise her at her office, but got the wrong office (Google didn't update) and on the way there, guess what I read:
FACING YOUR GIANTS:
I don’t know about you, but David’s faith encourages me. We all face different kinds of giants in our lives. The question isn’t whether they’ll show up; it’s whether we’ll have the courage to load stones into our slings when the time comes. The question is: Will we trust the Lord?
When I imagine David on the battlefield, I usually picture him afraid. How could he not be?Sometimes the only way to face a giant is to do it afraid. Bobby’s fight wasn’t a fair one by human standards, but that’s the point, isn’t it? When we have the Lord on our side, the fight becomes supernatural. If God is for us, we’re assured the victory — whether here or in heaven. With this in mind, we go before God with the confidence of David.
So I texted Chan after and felt a peace in my heart, like I've finally done what has been on my heart the past weeks. The fear was still there actually. Couldn't really sleep on thur night, and I remember telling Jesus that I heard he miraculously helped this guy to overcome his addictions by removing that feeling. So I asked Him to take that fear away, that feeling that makes me feel so small and incapable. Guess what, I woke up at 5+ for my 8am class, got greeted by an amazing sunrise and by the end of friday, I felt excited. The next day it dawned on me that Jesus really did answer my prayer.
Look at the pinkish skies and the clouds that spread out towards the buildings!
On a more practical note, TODAY I GOT MY FIRST GRAB HITCH PASSENGER!! Decided to give all the hitch money I earned for Timor fund - REALLY REALLY NEED TO FUND RAISE. And I know God will provide the passengers HAHA like how this dude was just next door to CEFC WDL and going to my area. Didn't even need any detours, and wew $15 for the fund HEHE TYJ.
-----
Back to where I left off, I got reminded of what God has been speaking to me about steadfast love. It even appeared before worship today. I don't recall having verses before worship, but this one hit me too.
"I will sing of the steadfast love of the Load, forever, with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations."
Psalms 89:1
I googled what steadfast meant cos I was just curious to see what God was trying to say. It said, dutifully firm and unwavering. Isn't that a promise to hold onto? A promise that God's love is unwavering and firm, in all seasons. ALL. He sees what we're going through, and He doesn't promise that it'll end immediately, but He promises His STEADFAST LOVE. BOOM. What is fear when I have Jesus' steadfast love right?!
And that reminded me of this verse that I got during QT last week too:
"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love."
1 John 4:18
It felt like all the puzzle pieces joined together. Writing it out reminds me that God has been speaking - not in the way I wanted Him to, but it definitely was not a one way conversation that I thought it was.
More verses that I got on steadfast love the past week. Putting it here so I can remember God's presence when I feel He is distant.
"By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for, and by the fear of the Lord one turns away from evil." Proverbs 16:6
"He will have no fear of bad news, his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his foes."
Psalm 112:7-8
And on the flipside, I think God has been also trying to say that yes He will grant me steadfast love, but on my end, I need to be steadfast too -
"Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him."
James 1:12
So yes. Steadfast.
The past week has been one with so many amazing sunsets and sunrises. This little kid in me has been yearning for a rainbow since God knows when. But yeah God doesn't always show up the way we want Him to right?
Run last night at ECP haha. Look at the ball of sun!! Super amazing.
// Also, finally, I think I've found a CG that I can settle in, in the east. haha FOUND SOMEONE STRUGGLING WITH TRANSITIONING TOO (and a fellow Sarah at that).
Still have a few unanswered questions like IDMCi/job, momentum LOL but I guess we'll see how God will answer those heh ;)
Tuesday 12 September 2017
Jesus first
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33
It's been crazy how this verse has been popping up everywhere last week. From the Sacred Search book that Leong recommended me to read, to IDMC to IDT memory verse this week. It set me thinking the whole week about it though. What does it mean to seek God's kingdom first? More serving? more QTs? I pondered hard over that and told God to reveal what it means to seek His kingdom first. You know the 4 words that Ps Barney told us to write down what God wants us to do after IDMC? Well, mine was, "Sarah, surrender and obey" HAHAHA
Trol. I am pretty stubborn sometimes. Always needing God to double confirm and confirm again before I proceed to do something. At times, it is good, other times, it just makes me go in circles. I guess that's also how I learn.
So yup, life is really super uncertain now. Was telling Wen how time flies when school starts, and wow to think it's already the 5th week into my final sem. "Isn't it good?" she asked. Yeah it is good, I mean took all the crazy mods of analytics and research this sem, and it's a torture. But as much as I want them to be done, what scares me is that there are no more semesters left for me to get through anymore. I have no idea what's gonna be in store for me next year, and for now, at least there's school to look forward to. Would be nice to know though. But as usual, that's how God stretches our faith too, to not always have to know what's coming next, but to believe that He has it all in the palm of His hand. Spiritual muscles being trained they say.
Still figuring what it means for me to seek God's kingdom first through. I guess... it's really all the disappointments from certain people... certain guys, broken dreams etc, if my hope is not in Jesus, then most of the things will always end up disappointing. In this period of waiting, perhaps it was really for me to figure out what it truly means to seek God's kingdom first.
Ending today's post with a verse that I got while praying for this year on 31 Dec 2016:
"And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord." Luke 1:45
Grappling with the depth of this verse, reminded of the rainbow I saw in Timor. There are days when it gets tough to keep holding on. Maybe one day it will all make sense.Sunday 10 September 2017
Obedience / Courage
Taking a break from this research paper that I can't seem to get despite spending the whole afternoon on it. Sigh numbers.............. But yes gonna try to do a post every week, though workload is picking up and school has been really tiring last week, but I'll try!
This week feels like God has transacted a lot with me. Started to intentionally carve out time to hear from Him, especially since I'm on my insta fast heh. Went for Huifang's momentum orientation yesterday and yaaa the burden for them is still there la. The commitment sounds damn intense and not sure how the weekly travels to WDL is going to pen out again. On top of that, been feeling abit scared that I won't be adequate enough or that I might disappoint the kids. YES super lame and irrelevant worries because that's the whole point of serving also - being weak but God enabled.
Leong reminded me that last night too, so I'm gonna put down some of the verses that I've got the past week about taking courage and being obedient.
We are nothing without God's equipping
"But who am I and what is my people that we should be able thus to offer willingly? For all things come from you and of your own have we given you." 1 Chronicles 29:14
The Lord calling Gideon --> Weak made strong in Christ
"Go with the strength you have and rscue Israel from the Midianites, I am sending you! Behold, my clan is the weakest in Mansseh and I am the least in my Father's house. And the Lord said to him, "But I will be with you and you shall strike the Midianites as one man."
Judges 6:14-15
Having courage because Jesus goes ahead before me and with me
"I took courage, for the hand of the Lord my God was on me, and I gathered leading men from Israel to go up with me."
Ezra 7:28
Obedience
"Go and he goes, and to another, come and he comes, and to my servant, do this, and he does it."
Luke 7:8
The laborers are few - go where He calls
"And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "whom shall i send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here I am! Send me!"
Isaiah 6:8
^ LOL at the exclamation marks haha what a reminder that it is a joy to serve and to be enthusiastic about it.
For some reason, sermon in the east always hits me so hard. I'm either crying during sermon or left feeling super impacted. Lin thinks it's cos of my calling there, but then again I don't know. But anyway today's sermon was on spiritual blindness and to see as God sees. We need to have the courage to act because we know God's hand. God is a covenantal God and He will be with us through whatever journey we are on. He is faithful and he empowers us. Ps Barney also talked about driving when it was all foggy - which is like my life now HAHAH (when school ends and december hits me nooooo)
But really, there's nothing I could have accomplished with my own strength. Nothing at all. Huifang gave us till Dec to be attached to momentum CGs to decide if we really want to serve here. Dec is also where Sunbeam ends, and I'll be full fledged in the east. Felt like God gave me an extra 4 months to sort out my direction, especially with regards to the east CG, ministry and all. Of which I am thankful, though some days the uncertainty does make me feel uneasy; but I need to learn to not let emotions drown out who God truly is and His perfect plan for my life. On a side note, got reconnected with a secondary school mate in church today who is looking for a cg to settle in! Invited her to my wdl cg but then again, it might probably be better if we could both go to the east cg, then maybe I won't be alone in this. yay.
Excited to see how God unfolds His plan, just need some perseverance and patience when the wait get tough.
This week feels like God has transacted a lot with me. Started to intentionally carve out time to hear from Him, especially since I'm on my insta fast heh. Went for Huifang's momentum orientation yesterday and yaaa the burden for them is still there la. The commitment sounds damn intense and not sure how the weekly travels to WDL is going to pen out again. On top of that, been feeling abit scared that I won't be adequate enough or that I might disappoint the kids. YES super lame and irrelevant worries because that's the whole point of serving also - being weak but God enabled.
Leong reminded me that last night too, so I'm gonna put down some of the verses that I've got the past week about taking courage and being obedient.
We are nothing without God's equipping
"But who am I and what is my people that we should be able thus to offer willingly? For all things come from you and of your own have we given you." 1 Chronicles 29:14
The Lord calling Gideon --> Weak made strong in Christ
"Go with the strength you have and rscue Israel from the Midianites, I am sending you! Behold, my clan is the weakest in Mansseh and I am the least in my Father's house. And the Lord said to him, "But I will be with you and you shall strike the Midianites as one man."
Judges 6:14-15
Having courage because Jesus goes ahead before me and with me
"I took courage, for the hand of the Lord my God was on me, and I gathered leading men from Israel to go up with me."
Ezra 7:28
Obedience
"Go and he goes, and to another, come and he comes, and to my servant, do this, and he does it."
Luke 7:8
The laborers are few - go where He calls
"And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "whom shall i send, and who will go for us?" Then I said, "Here I am! Send me!"
Isaiah 6:8
^ LOL at the exclamation marks haha what a reminder that it is a joy to serve and to be enthusiastic about it.
For some reason, sermon in the east always hits me so hard. I'm either crying during sermon or left feeling super impacted. Lin thinks it's cos of my calling there, but then again I don't know. But anyway today's sermon was on spiritual blindness and to see as God sees. We need to have the courage to act because we know God's hand. God is a covenantal God and He will be with us through whatever journey we are on. He is faithful and he empowers us. Ps Barney also talked about driving when it was all foggy - which is like my life now HAHAH (when school ends and december hits me nooooo)
But really, there's nothing I could have accomplished with my own strength. Nothing at all. Huifang gave us till Dec to be attached to momentum CGs to decide if we really want to serve here. Dec is also where Sunbeam ends, and I'll be full fledged in the east. Felt like God gave me an extra 4 months to sort out my direction, especially with regards to the east CG, ministry and all. Of which I am thankful, though some days the uncertainty does make me feel uneasy; but I need to learn to not let emotions drown out who God truly is and His perfect plan for my life. On a side note, got reconnected with a secondary school mate in church today who is looking for a cg to settle in! Invited her to my wdl cg but then again, it might probably be better if we could both go to the east cg, then maybe I won't be alone in this. yay.
Excited to see how God unfolds His plan, just need some perseverance and patience when the wait get tough.
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